Tani
Favorite traditional Jewish food: The first thing that I learned how to make was hamantaschens. That has a very special place in my heart because it made me so happy when I figured out how to make them. It was very important to me when I converted that I had a dish that I felt really good about. I had so much fun getting to figure that out. I’m also gluten free, so I had fun figuring out how to make them gluten free as well. I also love matzoh ball soup. Oh my goodness, so good. That was one of the first traditionally Jewish foods that I ate. From what I have heard, gluten free matzoh ball soup tastes roughly the same.
Favorite Jewish holiday: Hannukah. I love Hannukah so much. My husband and I, even before I officially converted, would always host a Hannukah party for all of our friends, the majority of whom are not Jewish. It is the most fun way to bring our Judaism to our entire friend group. It is one of the first holidays that I felt like we were able to put our own spin on. It was so upbeat, and I always felt like I wanted to do it every year in that exact same way. |
How would you describe your identity?
I am a Jewish woman of color. I am also a Jew by choice. I am an educator, an artist, being creative is part of everything. I am a wife. Do you feel like your looks and experiences are included in the general picture of what a Jewish woman is? No. Moreso now than before. The amount of times I get questioned as to whether or not I’m Jewish, or I’m sitting in a room and people automatically assume I’m not. I think that that is very reflective of what society has internalized, and what the Jewish community has also internalized. We may not have a clear picture of what looks Jewish, but we know what doesn’t, and that is where I fall. I’m definitely very light, so I very much recognize the privilege that comes with my lighter skin. I am able to pass in various ways and in various spaces. There have definitely been certain spaces where that has held a little bit more weight than others. Over the past two years, it is definitely something I have become more aware of how I am treated in different spaces based off of how I present. Whether I have my hair down and curly, so straight, or in a bun, the different perspectives and treatment that come with that. How does this affect your feelings about Judaism? It has really been in the past two years where that really has started to weigh a little heavier on me. There was definitely a time this year where I felt like I chose to love a group of people who didn’t love me, and didn’t love other people of color. I am a Jewish professional, so I have thrown my whole life into the Jewish world. I live it and breathe it in everything I do. When that still isn’t enough for some people, it is hard to not take that personally. When I think about how various individuals react to issues of race in particular, I don’t want to be the exception. I don’t want to be the one person of color that you treat differently because I’m Jewish, but not give that same recognition to the broader community and individuals of color. That is something that I still grapple with and try to figure out, as an educator, what we are doing to figure out how to prevent young people from internalizing those narratives. Especially because [the synagogue where I work] is very diverse, we have quite a few young Jews of color, which is wonderful and beautiful, and really trying to foster a community for them where they see that this is what Judaism looks like. |
"We may not have a clear picture of what looks Jewish, but we know what doesn’t, and that is where I fall." |
"There are still certain Jewish communities where I have never felt an ounce of being treated any differently. There has just been full welcoming, and it is beautiful. It always gives me hope." |
Can you talk about your journey with Judaism and converting?
I was raised by my grandparents. My grandpa still is very devout Christian, very Lutheran. My grandma, kinda meh. I grew up going to a Lutheran grade school, which is the Christian version of Jewish day school, as I like to call it. You in-depth study the bible. I could quote for days! While overall Christianity never felt right, I loved learning about Judaism. There was always such a hope and resilience in the community, history, and traditions. When I was little, I was so excited by anything Jewish that I could get my hands on. I got my first menorah when I was like 6. In college, I was a religious studies minor, so I took every Jewish class I possibly could. I knew that I wanted to convert as soon as I finished college, but then I did Teach for America, which was completely life consuming. I didn’t have time or space emotionally to give the process what I wanted to. The year after I finished my two year commitment, Anshe Emet was having a barbecue in our neighborhood. I went in and it really felt like my place, everyone was so kind and welcoming. I loved it! I signed up for their Jews by choice program. I went every Monday and Saturday for classes. I made such amazing friends through that, and I loved it so much. Going to the Mikvah was like my Jewish birthday. I felt like that was the moment that everything in my life had been building to. It felt so right. Now, it is interwoven into every aspect of my life and who I am. I feel like I was Jewish for my whole life, and that was just the official marker. Do you feel like you have been generally welcomed in Judaism? Why or why not? I feel like it has been a journey. Before two years ago, yes, absolutely, oh my goodness, I had never felt more welcomed anywhere in my whole entire life. There are still certain Jewish communities where I have never felt an ounce of being treated any differently. There has just been full welcoming, and it is beautiful. It always gives me hope. I tend to have more struggles and face the most racism in my professional life. |
Are there times where you have felt excluded from Judaism because of your various identities?
Yes. There are certain groups that when topics of race come up, I know we are not one the same page. It makes it difficult sometimes to feel like this is my group who I can form really meaningful, long-term relationships with if we are not jiving on these very critical issues of social justice. That has been difficult in some spaces. Do you feel like you have encountered racism in Jewish spaces more recently and can you talk about that? Sometimes the racism doesn’t come directly targeted towards me, but there are things that I overheard that are such red flags in terms of how we talk about race in Jewish spaces. A lot of it has been in terms of how I am presenting in various spaces, that is when I encounter racism the most. It is very different if I am presenting in a way that they are able to associate more with other ethnic groups, like maybe I am Israeli. That makes people more comfortable with me sometimes. That is one thing that is really difficult. When I am interacting with new people, who don’t know me and don’t know my role, they are dismissive of me. People just make assumptions about why I would be in the building, and talking to me in a way that I know they wouldn’t talk to my white counterpart. I have been outwardly dismissed over and over and over again. With a lot of people, I feel the need to prove how Jewish I am. Without them knowing that I converted and whatnot, I am very qualified to do what I do in terms of academic knowledge, but there is an outright assumption that I don’t know anything about Judaism and I am not the right person to do my job. Would you say that people often don’t think that you are Jewish? This is something where there is a really big generational gap. With parents and students, I don’t often get that. When I am encountering an older demographic, I definitely get it from the most. There are certain situations where it is coming from a fine place. I’ve gotten a lot of comments like “Is it hard doing your job and not being Jewish?” and I say, “I am Jewish!”. They’ll say “Oh, I’ve never seen anyone who looks like you that is Jewish!” And I was like, “Well actually, the Jewish community is very diverse. There are quite a few Jews of color, more than you would necessarily expect. And we just keep growing!” I try to take the opportunity to educate as often as I can. For the most part, people will say that is really interesting, but sometimes I’ll get an “Ugh”-type response. They assume that there won’t be a connection in terms of values. |
"It makes it difficult sometimes to feel like this is my group who I can form really meaningful, long-term relationships with if we are not jiving on these very critical issues of social justice." |
""When I think about the kinds of kids I want to raise, every value I want to give them is a Jewish value." |
Do you feel like identifying as Jewish plays an important role in your life?
Yes! Definitely. One of the reasons I struggle to answer these questions is that this is the first time since grade school where I have been in spaces where I am the only person of color in the room. In terms of the office I work in, I am definitely the only person of color there, far more than every other time in my life. When I was a teacher, there were many students of color in my classroom. Now, I am being forced to be constantly aware of the fact that I am a Jew of color. My Jewish identity had been able to be more personal, but now it is really out in the open. Judaism has started to go toward the forefront of my identity because other people so often make it a topic of conversation, and because everything I do is Jewish. I love it, it is important to me. Even though there are personal challenges, my love of Judaism as a whole is greater than the conflicts. Do you feel like you have been able to find communities where you feel like your whole identity is accepted? Yes, I’m so grateful. I was in the Union of Reform Judaism’s JewV’Nation fellowship, which is a cohort of Jews of color. There were about 15 of us from around the country. We got together twice in person, and did a Sunday seminar with learning every other week. Then, we have our projects. I am with the educators group, and we are making a training for religious school educators and teachers about how to create a more inclusive classrooms. That group of people truly came into my life at exactly the right time. Like when you are in a conversation and someone says some racist stuff, but I can only address it so much in that moment because of my role. It is nice to have a group of people to debrief and heal with. Even though I am new to the Jewish professional world, race in America has followed me throughout my whole entire life. It is great to have a group with whom I can identify on multiple levels. I am always excited to get to meet any Jews of color from around the area. At [the synagogue where I work], we have an internship program with Loyola Chicago. Students in the Hebrew 103 program get to intern with us. When there are Jews of color that come to us, I really try to mentor them and give them leadership opportunities. It is so great for kids to see Jews of color in varying levels of leadership positions throughout. |
What is your favorite part about being Jewish?
I could talk about that forever. There is so much that I love about being Jewish. I love how Judaism has so many opportunities built into your day, week, and year to reflect on the kind of person that you’re being in the world. The values, when internalized, there is so much potential there. When I think about the kinds of kids I want to raise, every value I want to give them is a Jewish value. I want them to be good people and make the world a better place, Tikkun Olam. I love how Shabbat is an exhale from the week. It has given me so many opportunities to make such meaningful rituals and traditions in my life. For the majority, I have met such incredible people with open hearts. I feel so grateful to be a part of the community. Also, I am so grateful for Jewish history. There are so many different programs for young Jews to be able to stay connected. Those programs were put into place by people in the past who knew that it would be important for young people to have valuable experiences connected to their Judaism. There is such a generational love throughout history that keeps everyone together. I love being Jewish!
I could talk about that forever. There is so much that I love about being Jewish. I love how Judaism has so many opportunities built into your day, week, and year to reflect on the kind of person that you’re being in the world. The values, when internalized, there is so much potential there. When I think about the kinds of kids I want to raise, every value I want to give them is a Jewish value. I want them to be good people and make the world a better place, Tikkun Olam. I love how Shabbat is an exhale from the week. It has given me so many opportunities to make such meaningful rituals and traditions in my life. For the majority, I have met such incredible people with open hearts. I feel so grateful to be a part of the community. Also, I am so grateful for Jewish history. There are so many different programs for young Jews to be able to stay connected. Those programs were put into place by people in the past who knew that it would be important for young people to have valuable experiences connected to their Judaism. There is such a generational love throughout history that keeps everyone together. I love being Jewish!