Emily and Ilana
This is the only interview I did with two people, so please note that the interview is formatted based on what Emily and Ilana said individually, but it is combined in the order they said it to form the complete story. Thanks!
Favorite traditional Jewish food:
Emily: I like matzah ball soup. Ilana: Latkes. Favorite Jewish holiday: Emily: Passover! Ilana: Passover How would you describe your identity? Emily: I definitely identify as being a white Jew. Ilana: Me too, because my family is all from Ukraine. They say that they are not Ukranian, they are Jewish. People always say that Ukranians or Russians are [inherently] Christian. They put standards on Russians, and what Russians do and how they act, but then I am not the same as that because I am Jewish, not Ukranian or Russian as my ethnicity. It is important for me to say that I’m Jewish. Emily: Just because I speak Russian, that doesn’t mean that I am Russian, because being Russian means that you are Christian, and I am definitely not Christian. |
Do you feel like your looks and experiences are included in the general picture of what a Jewish woman is?
Ilana: Looks, definitely! Emily: We always get told that our noses look Jewish, and that our blue eyes don’t. Can you talk a little bit about what it means to look stereotypically Jewish and how it makes you feel when someone mentions those features to you? Emily: A lot of people say that I look Jewish and I don’t know if it is because of my Jewish nose. Ilana: People expect a big nose and dark, curly hair. We have those features, so they expect that we are Jewish. Emily: I do love when people tell me I look Jewish because when I think about Jewish women, they all look so beautiful to me, so I take it as a compliment because that means that I look pretty. It makes me feel happy. At the same time, I know I have a Jewish nose and I don’t know if that is what they associate with me being Jewish. I’ve always wondered what really makes me look Jewish by people’s standards. Have you ever felt self conscious about your Jewish features? Emily: I was looking at pictures and our noses both didn’t used to have the bump at the top. Ilana: We would always tell people that we ran into each other's faces and that was why we both had the bump on our nose, to explain why our noses look like that. Especially when we were younger and I first noticed, I couldn’t think of a reason why both of our noses looked like that, so we came up with that story. Emily: In a way, I do feel self conscious about it because my nose looks different than everyone else’s does. |
" I do love when people tell me I look Jewish because when I think about Jewish women, they all look so beautiful to me, so I take it as a compliment because that means that I look pretty. It makes me feel happy." |
"They were limited in their opportunities just because they were Jewish." |
Can you talk about your experiences as a Jewish woman and whether or not they are included in the ‘general picture’ of Judaism?
Ilana: We are both culturally Jewish, but not religious at all. Emily: We don’t do a lot of activities and other stuff related to Judaism, we only celebrate the big holidays. I don’t think our experiences [fit in] there. But in general, I think being Jewish has helped me in a way, and especially what my parents have told me about their history, has helped me learn about myself and has made me think a certain way. Can you talk about your experience being both first generation American and Jewish? Ilana: All of my relatives are from Ukraine, and most people were Christian, so Jews always had to work harder to be accepted. My grandpa was super smart, but he couldn’t go to college. Emily: There was one university in Ukraine that he would have gotten accepted into in terms of his grades, but then they looked at his name and said they couldn’t accept him [because he was Jewish]. When my dad was in school, there were very few Jewish kids and their class, and no one liked them because they were Jewish. They were limited in their opportunities just because they were Jewish. Ilana: They had to work super hard to be able to go to college even though they were just as smart. Emily: They always pushed me to work hard and not be given anything. I don’t want to be given a spot just because, I want to work for it and earn it. Ilana: My parents weren’t accepted [because they were Jewish], so they had to work really hard. When they came here, they wanted to have a better life, but they also wanted their kids to have a successful life. They push us harder because of the expectations for them when they came here. |
Do you feel like you have been generally welcomed in Judaism? Why or why not?
Emily: Generally, I feel like I have been welcomed. Definitely. Ilana: My name is Hebrew, Ilana with an I, so people always guess that I’m Jewish, and they always get excited about that. It is a good first connection. Emily: With me, Emily is a secular name, so people will always ask why Ilana has her hebrew name and why I don’t. I always have to explain that my middle name is Jewish. Just in general, being welcomed isn’t an issue, but a lot of people always ask about our names. I like my name though. Are there times where you have felt excluded from Judaism because of your various identities? Ilana: People have told me that we look Jewish, but some people have been surprised that I have an orthodox Jewish aunt because I am not religious. People have been so shocked and I’m not offended, but why can’t I have a relative who is more religious just because I’m not? That’s the only thing. Do you think people are confused about your Judaism because you are less religious? Emily: They definitely are, yeah. My parents weren’t ever religious, and they knew that they couldn’t ever be in Ukraine. They knew that they were Jewish, but they didn’t act on it. They never grew up celebrating holidays and learning all the stories, so that is not something we were ever raised with either. I know a lot of my friends went to hebrew school, and had a bat mitzvah, so I do feel excluded there. Ilana: I know I’m Jewish, but people still question me because I didn’t have a bat mitzvah. |
Does identifying as Jewish play an important role in your life?
Emily: Being Jewish hasn’t caused anything bad, nor has benefited me, but it makes me happy to say that I’m Jewish and be around people that are Jewish. The connection that you get with a Jewish person makes me happy.
Ilana: There is a connection because your identity is similar and maybe your experiences are the same because of that reason.
Are there cultural differences between the United States and Ukraine that you have seen through your relatives?
Ilana: Men and women, all of my relatives have been either programmers or engineers. My great-great-grandma was an engineer. In America, there is a standard of what women should do, that women aren’t engineers or programmers. I was talking to my grandma and other aunts, and they don’t understand they whole split in women’s work and men’s work.
Emily: When I told my mom I was writing an essay on women in the workplace and the way the are treated, my mom didn’t believe me. She has never experienced that, and neither was anyone in her family. If anything, there were more women working in STEM than men in Ukraine.
What is your favorite part about being Jewish?
Ilana: I can come into any place and have a connection with someone, and it is almost always because we are both Jewish. You can just make that instant connection with someone. You can make so many new friends.
Emily: She just stole my idea! That connection makes you really happy to be around those people, so I love that.
Emily: Being Jewish hasn’t caused anything bad, nor has benefited me, but it makes me happy to say that I’m Jewish and be around people that are Jewish. The connection that you get with a Jewish person makes me happy.
Ilana: There is a connection because your identity is similar and maybe your experiences are the same because of that reason.
Are there cultural differences between the United States and Ukraine that you have seen through your relatives?
Ilana: Men and women, all of my relatives have been either programmers or engineers. My great-great-grandma was an engineer. In America, there is a standard of what women should do, that women aren’t engineers or programmers. I was talking to my grandma and other aunts, and they don’t understand they whole split in women’s work and men’s work.
Emily: When I told my mom I was writing an essay on women in the workplace and the way the are treated, my mom didn’t believe me. She has never experienced that, and neither was anyone in her family. If anything, there were more women working in STEM than men in Ukraine.
What is your favorite part about being Jewish?
Ilana: I can come into any place and have a connection with someone, and it is almost always because we are both Jewish. You can just make that instant connection with someone. You can make so many new friends.
Emily: She just stole my idea! That connection makes you really happy to be around those people, so I love that.